*Blogger Blitz is a community event, wistfully dreamt up by Ian over at Adventure Rules

Thank-you for tuning back in fans of all that is cross-over-filled and surreal; it’s time for my entry into Round 2 of the ‘Blogger Blitz’. For anyone who didn’t tune in for round one then feel free to jump back and read my entry, but more importantly maybe head over to Adventure Rules to see this round’s schedule and what the concept entails, all deftly described by the architect of this madness.

This of course wouldn’t even be a thing without competitors and it has been truly excellent to see how each blogger has undertaken the challenge of guiding their chosen hero through the trial presented. Round one saw Indiana Jones competing against Lightning Farron in a test of marketing, a boogie-ing MegaMan, and Link taking on The Joker as they subtly planted the seeds of love. My own round saw me pitted against the excellent Kim at Later Levels who crafted a Sea Shanty about Guybrush Threepwood’s letter delivering prowess whilst being perused by, Hades own guardhound, Cerberus. It was a tough matchup and I feel pretty lucky to have come out on top with my own take on how Resident Evil’s Claire Redfield would have fared under such pressure. Finally, the unsung heroes of the competition have been the judges: Chris, Geddy, James, Destiny, and Athena have all been diligent in picking through the finer points of each entry and made those difficult, all important, choices.

For this round things have been turned up in intensity with a two-part gauntlet taking each character well out of their comfort zone and forcing them to compete in their opponent’s world – to quote directly from the puppet-master of these games:

In this event, the two competitors must switch roles for a day – Link must lead the charge against biologically-enhanced zombie warriors (can you tell I’ve totally played Resident Evil before?!) and their leader Wesker, while Claire has to save Hyrule from the mighty sorcerer Ganondorf and his evil hordes. However, before they can do their new jobs, LeChuck interferes, dragging them to the waters of Mêlée Island (which, as we all know, conveniently borders both Hyrule and the United States). Attaching each competitor to a heavy ship anchor, he sends them plummeting into the deep before heading off to capture Elaine Marley. Our competitors must explain how they escape LeChuck’s deadly trap without drowning, make their way back, and defeat a villain they have never faced with abilities foreign to their own world.

So, Claire Redfield has been kidnapped by Pirate Captain LuChuck, chained to an anchor, dropped overboard. She must now escape this watery fate, make her way across the ocean to Hyrule, and defeat Ganondorf in an unfamiliar world of magic & monsters. What’s more, she’s up against Link who will be trying to take down the Umbrella corporation in Raccoon City ably guided by the resident Zelda expert over at Sheikah plate and be sure to head over there to check out how Link fared because it’s sure to be a memorable tale!

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… the icy water made it all seem more real; Claire fought against the reflex to empty her lungs of that last precious breath of air, but a few bubbles escaped her lips as she let out a short grunt. The chain around her ankle, connected to an exquisite four-ton cast iron anchor, pulled her relentlessly in to the black abyss below. She’d been told what was about to happen and had done her best to hyperventilate knowing it would boost the time she had below the waves on that crisp starry night. Regardless, even her most optimistic estimates gave her 60 seconds of clear reasoning before the burning in her lungs would be all she could think of.

A few short hours ago she’d been doing what she did best, taking down Umbrella. She was in their underground lab, G-virus sample in her pocket, running for the exit through the wails of an impending self-destruct sequence that the corporation inexplicably built in to all of their facilities. After sliding to a halt to wait for an elevator a band of pirates had politely tapped her on the shoulder before the bitter taste of chloroform had brought her groggily to the ship’s brig; she woke, shackled and silently facing her opponent, some kind of magical warrior, Link. Over the next hour LeChuck had explained the challenge and the price of failure; the annihilation of their own reality. A wry smile had crept across his face at that point and Claire correctly guessed that the penalty had been his own addition; he’d seemed the type to go off script.

Both players in this game had been allowed to keep their personal belongings to make it more sporting and now, as the fathoms slipped away, Claire once again patted her pockets for one last shred of hope. Despite her situation Claire allowed herself the precious bubbles for a sharp snort at the dark comedy of once again finding her trusty set of lockpicks; LeChuck had ordered the chains forged in place – there was no lock to pick. By contrast she’d seen Link deftly flick his sword through the iron bonds before even hitting the water.

…her mind began to wander…

Link would make land quickly; summoning some ancient power or anthropomorphic companion. His sword would effortlessly slice through the zombie hoards, and the bombs she’d spotted strapped to his belt would eliminate the need to run around finding keys, pushing statues, and solving the cryptic clues of that enigmatic city. He’d take down Umbrella with ease, save his reality… and where would she be?

Reality snapped back in…

She’d still be sinking and forever chained to this anchor unless she did something about it. Claire fought the dark clamoring embrace of unconsciousness, gritted her teeth and again furiously searched her pockets. She un-holstered her gun, aimed at the chain, and pulled the trigger; miraculously it fired with a flurry of bubbles, but the bullet slowed quickly and failed to even mark the metal. She looked wearily at the gun in her hand; just a useless chunk of metal. Even if she made it to land, Hyrule didn’t sound like the sort of place where 9mm rounds were common… She’d need a better weapon…

…Claire froze…

… A biological weapon…

A shiver trickled down her spine. Her hand fumbled its way into her jacket pocket and removed the G-virus sample. It was already loaded into an injector and, the edges of her vision beginning to darken, she found herself pressing it against her chest. Her world was messed up, zombies roaming cities, monsters used in war, corrupt governments and evil enterprise… but … Leon, Sherry, Moira, Barry… Chris… she had to save them, whatever the cost. She had to defeat Ganondorf.

She drove the needle in and the last of the bubbles left her, displaced by the piercing pain. There was a moment of quiet as she watched each tiny air pocket make its way upwards toward the surface; she focused her final thoughts as Claire, “Ganondorf, destroy Ganondorf.”

Then the pathogen hit her. Every muscle in her body contracted. Her eyes, bloodshot, wide, pupils dilated. Her muscles tore, ligaments snapped and regenerated. With a seemingly nonchalant twitch, the creature that had been Claire flexed and shattered the ankle shackle holding the anchor. She was free and her lips drew back over a set of extending teeth, that one thought now her only thought…

“Destroy Ganondorf”

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Final Note to Judges & Readers: Erm… yeah, sorry if you were expecting a nice lighthearted piece; that got darker than I wanted. But the more I thought about it, the more I decided that it was the only way for Claire to possibly ‘win’.

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